Being Okay with a Cesarean

I have several friends that had birth center or home births.  That is something that I really wanted.  But, that was not an option for me.  Very early in my pregnancy I was diagnosed with a placenta previa.  That automatically meant that the birth center would not let me deliver there, since there are so many risks.  Yes, it did resolve itself but by the time that happened I was put on bed rest for pre-eclampsia.  I was still wanting to transfer my care to the local birth center but, my husband who was so worried about me just didn't feel comfortable about it.  So, we stayed with the OB that we had and he was wonderful.  I did end up in the hospital on bed rest, but was able to bargain my way out of it.  Part of the deal was bi-weekly visits.  One to check me, one to check Ethan.  At this point it was a waiting game to see when we would have him.  The day my blood pressure hit 170/120 the doc's decided that I was going to have an emergency cesarean, but they also knew how important it was for me to have him naturally that they decided to try and bring my blood pressure down and induce labor.  At this point I knew that there were already things that I had compromised on that I originally said I wouldn't compromise on, but I also knew that there were some major consequences if I didn't give in (I knew a family who lost their baby right after I had Ethan because they wanted a home birth and let mom's blood pressure get so high she was seizing).  All the doctors and all the nurses didn't push a cesarean, but some of my family did.  Told me to just give in and have the baby that that was the wanted outcome a healthy happy baby.  Because of my blood pressure I wasn't able to walk around like I would have liked, but my husband was there the whole time cheering me on.  Finally after 4 days of induced labor I gave in.  I knew that I had given it my all, and that a cesarean was what was in the cards for me.   This is Ethan and I shortly after his cesarean birth.

Having said all that, it is still a painful subject for me and I need to learn not to read other blogs about why a home birth or a birth center birth is so much better than a hospital birth.  I have to know that I did what I could to have as peaceful of a birth as I could, and that my doctor gave me everything I could have asked for in the situation.  It still pains me to read those blogs and sometimes it even angers me because the people writing them don't express that a hospital birth is sometimes necessary and that it's okay if you have one, but to do the research on your hospital and see what their policies are.  Our hospital for example has a labor tub in each L&D room you can't birth in the water but you can labor.  The other thing I am learning is that you can't always have the birth of your dreams.  Sometimes God has something different for you planned.